The last few days have helped me understand more deeply the importance of contemplation and of journaling what I am learning and experiencing. For me, journaling—whether I write by hand or record my thoughts in a program like Microsoft Word—helps ground what I am realizing. I have just seen how it can be a little like hugging a tree when I need to return to balance or release something.
I have always been grateful for the way nature, especially the trees, seems willing to receive the stressful or unbalanced energies we are ready to release. I imagine them carrying those energies down into the Earth, where Lady Gaia and the elementals transform them into something useful. For me, this is different from sending those energies outward toward others, where they may affect them or enter the mass consciousness. In either case, I find it helpful to call on the violet flame to transform the energy into light. I understand the violet flame as a joining of love and truth within Divine Oneness.
I have been working more deeply with releasing ancestral patterns held in the body and family line. This feels like an important part of my journey. Last night, I had a dream, and the part I remember stirred something within me. I owned a small motel near a lake in a beautiful mountain setting. It was peaceful, with trails for walking and places to swim or sit in contemplation. I had a small staff to care for the guests. We had just opened when two groups arrived: a man and a woman, and a family. For some reason, I was in my car, and they parked so close on either side that I was trapped inside. Then I awoke.
The first thing that came to me was how, for years, I had imagined creating a spiritual retreat center—a place where people could come to rest, release, heal, contemplate, and study. This morning, I realized that at this point in my life, I do not want to spend my time and energy carrying the responsibility of running such a place. I would love to live in a beautiful setting where I could write and return after traveling, but the idea of operating a retreat center now feels like being trapped. My time of caring for others in that way has passed.
I sometimes feel a similar tension with my kitties. I love them, and caring for them is my choice, yet the daily responsibility can make me feel confined because there is no one else here to do it. I do not resent that choice. I simply know that, moving forward, I would not choose the same responsibility again. I would rather support others who are ready to take it on.
I feel the same way about healing. I may have a natural ability to support others, but at this point in my life, I do not choose to focus my energy on one-to-one healing. I am more drawn to working with the Earth and nature as channels for clearing and transformation. I also love writing and sharing in whatever form comes forward.
Being is my focus.
It is time to release the past and give my attention to what fits who I am now, at this point in my life and journey. This is not simply about physical age; it is also about shifts in consciousness. Age can bring changes in our circumstances, too. When we are young, we may have dreams without yet having the means to bring them into form. That does not make the dream pointless. Sometimes holding a dream helps it move toward physical expression. Sometimes it is not ours to manifest alone; perhaps we are among those who first give it shape in the imagination.
As I wrote this, I heard the songs “Dream Weaver” and “The Gambler” in my mind. The latter brought to me the reminder that wisdom includes knowing when to hold on, when to let go, and when to walk away.
When we marry, raise children, build careers, and make homes, our focus and priorities differ from what they were when we were young and full of dreams. That does not make any stage of life wrong. Each brings experiences that enrich us. As family life changes and retirement begins, another stage opens, with new priorities, dreams, and intentions. We may have more room to attend to our own needs, wishes, and spiritual journey.
Today, I realized that it is time to focus on what I truly want to do from here. I can release the dreams of my youth and welcome what fulfills me now, while allowing those old dreams to pass lovingly to people who are ready to carry them forward. I still see a retreat center as a place where I might love to live, though not necessarily with many people around all the time. This helped me see that my home, on a node of the Hope Corridor, gives me the connection with nature and the Earth that I value. I have more time to write, and if I feel called to travel and share with others, I can arrange for someone to care for my kitties.
Clarity of focus and intention matters in bringing something into our lives. What resonates with me may change as I do. The important thing is not to live in the future, but to live fully in the present—to embrace and embody the now. As I do, the future can unfold in its own time. When I am aligned with the flow of Universal Mind and Oneness, what emerges can serve the highest good of all, including me. It can arise from a clear intention and meet me as I am ready.
I no longer need to chase the dream. What I am ready to live can flow to and through me.
Now I understand that I can release the dreams of the past and embrace what aligns with and fulfills the Me that I Am now.
You may not enjoy journaling. Perhaps you can simply take a little time to sit quietly in nature—or wherever you feel most relaxed and at ease. Listen to the stillness and the voice within. You might ask yourself:
Does this still fit me?
Is something calling to my heart and soul more strongly at this point in my life?
In the silence, or perhaps in your dreams, an answer may come—not always today, but when you are ready.
